


Normal doesn't exist

by Erika_Riddle



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, AroAce Jughead, Childhood Abuse, Other, jughead also hasn't figured it out yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 15:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11694387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erika_Riddle/pseuds/Erika_Riddle
Summary: Jughead doesn't understand why he can't be happy with Betty Cooper.





	Normal doesn't exist

**Author's Note:**

> If you ship Betty and Jughead, this is not the place for you, as Jughead is aroace in this and constantly wondering if he should really be with Betty.

**** Jughead had been twelve at the time. He and Archie always met up where they had built that tree house. It wasn’t really a tree house, but… it was somewhere to hide from his father. He knew Archie always came if he asked, and his father had been drinking since the weekend. Jughead hadn’t dared to ask why.

  The twelve year old boy slowly pushed the trailer door open and glanced over his shoulder, to make sure the sleeping man on the couch didn’t wake up. Something told him that if his father found him sneaking out again, he’d smash his head against the wall. His father wasn’t usually violent, but the few times his mother left, Jughead felt as if he was walking on eggshells all around the trailer.

  Just when the door shut behind him, Jughead ran. He heard the groan from inside, but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop now. He needed to see Archie. Archie was the only thing that kept him here. If it weren’t for him, Jughead was sure he would have left already. But… then he remembered how miserable his father was and Jughead told himself he stayed for Archie just as much as he stayed for his father.

  Archie was already at the tree house when Jughead came there. Archie seemed awfully calm, which only made the suffocating panic worse for Jughead. Archie watched him, seemed to wait for Jughead to say something, but Jughead didn’t have anything to say. He only wanted to get away from there, he only wanted to be left alone with Archie for a little bit.

  “Jug?” Archie finally whispered, walked slightly closer. It was dark, but Jughead could still see the worry in his whole expression. “Jug, are you okay?”

  At those words, Jughead could feel the world's worries fall from his shoulders and everything was okay for a moment. A short moment, when Archie pulled him into his arms and held him there.

  “He… he didn’t hurt you again, did he?” Archie asked, when Jughead didn’t reply, and pulled back slightly to have a look at the other’s face. Jughead didn’t dare to say anything.

* * *

Summer was always a sort of relief for Jughead. He was free from classes and usually his bullies, could hide in the Twilight Drive-in if his father was too much trouble. It usually meant he could spend time with Archie, usually meant they would do something fun together and usually meant many sleepless nights where they stared at a ceiling and didn’t say anything. They didn’t have to say anything.

  But not this summer. No, not this summer. This summer meant the Twilight Drive-in, Pop’s and his computer. Always alone. Hell, some days Jughead didn’t dare to leave the Drive-in, scared he’d run into the bullies he never seemed to get rid of. It didn’t bother him in school, normally not during the summers, either, but… Now, he couldn’t call Archie. Archie wouldn’t do anything about it. 

  Jughead didn’t need Archie to feel complete or even happy, but most of the time, it was easier to have a friend. More often than not, it was easy to have someone pay his burger and milkshake, than to have to sneak out the back way when he didn’t have enough money to pay for a proper meal.

  This was the summer when everything changed. The summer Jason Blossom would be murdered in cold blood. Of course, the kids didn’t know it was cold blood by then, but that would change, too.

  Long story short, Jughead needed Archie when he couldn't be there. Archie was working, had to stay home on the fourth of July, had to do this and had to do that. All of that while Jughead did his best not to give up the hope he still had for his fucked up family and the hope he still had for himself.

  Until Jason died, the summer had been one of the worst in his whole life. He couldn’t find the motivation to write or read anything, and more often than not, the Drive-in was the only thing that kept him alive. The few times he returned home, his father was drunk and a few times Jughead had returned to the Drive-in with already visible bruises.

  The second Jason died, everything changed again. Suddenly, Jughead found he had something to write about, something that had nothing to do with him, something that wouldn’t make him feel worse about himself. Once again, he would be wrong. 

  When he first met Betty Cooper after the summer break, he didn’t want to have anything to do with her. He didn’t for a long time, but then there was that… that thing. That thing that kept telling him to be normal, that thing that kept saying he needed to find someone. His parents were that thing. And Jellybean kept asking if he had someone. 

  Betty Cooper was a pretty girl. She was kind and she studied way more than she had to. Jughead supposed he could work with it, supposed everything would turn out okay if he just allowed himself to feel. They kissed, held hands and those things he didn’t normally do with anyone. In a way, he felt secure, in another, trapped. He didn’t know what this thing that he felt was, but he was fairly sure this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. He had felt the exact same way about Archie before the fourth of July. Maybe the same way he still felt for the other, he wasn’t even sure.

  The first kiss made him stay up all night, wondering if it was really the right thing to do. The second time made him throw up. He wasn’t disgusted by her, it was just the anxiety that made him wonder if something was really wrong with him. He hated all of it, he just wished he could be normal.

  Archie didn’t ask about it again until he was curled up on the mattress in his room. Jughead’s head was aching and everything he could think about was how ridiculous he felt.

  “Jug?” Archie’s voice filled the quiet room. “He didn’t hurt you, right?”

  Jughead moved from one side to the other, carefully rubbed the side of his face and tried to remember how to function properly. This thing would take time to recover from, but he couldn’t give up. He couldn’t give up on the only thing he had. 

  “Jughead?” Archie had propped himself up on an elbow now, watched Jughead with that look that always took Jughead back to when they were kids. That time by the tree house.

  “No”, Jughead finally replied. “No, he didn’t, it’s nothing like that.”

  There was another silence. It didn’t feel as if he could talk to the other as he once had. Ever since he moved out from the trailer and to the drive-in, he couldn’t talk to the other. He didn’t know if it was because of what Archie’s dad had done, if it had to do with the fact that Jughead was in a living hell right now because his father had lost his job, but it didn’t feel as genuine anymore. 

  “Where were you really? The 11th?”

  Jughead rolled over again, tried to make it comfortable for himself and closed his eyes. Archie wouldn’t hurt him, he would be safe here. For now. 

  “Night, Archie.”

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn't until the time he and Betty nearly did _it_ , that he realised that he had to stop. He was pretending to be something he wasn't. He was pretending to feel something he didn't feel. Betty was, and would most likely always be, the perfect girl. Jughead wished he could love her the way she loved him, but he couldn't. He couldn't stand the skin against skin contact, he couldn't stand the thought of having to devote his whole life to someone like this. 

   So... When someone knocked on the door, he knew he had to stop. He knew he had to pull back, had to stop this before things got to the point where he couldn't turn back. Sure, he could just sit down and talk to Betty, but the thought terrified him nearly as much as the thought of his mother and Jellybean never coming back did. 

   His father had been nice the past few days. Already before he had been locked away, he had been... alright. Jughead was pretty scared it was just for these few days, a few weeks, then everything would turn back to normal, but he couldn't lose hope.

   As he threw the jacket over his shoulders, he knew it was over. No more kissing Betty in the dark, pretending it was everything he wanted. As he threw the jacket over his shoulder and could feel Betty take a step back, he knew it was over. He knew they were over. Sure, there were better ways to tell her, but how do you tell someone everything had been an act? How do you tell someone you're not what they want you to be? 

   "Jughead?" she asked quietly, as he walked down the stairs to be embraced by the ones who would now be his new family. He felt awful for doing this to her, but what else was he supposed to do?

 

* * *

 

 

Jughead knew Betty was curled up on the couch downstairs. He could hear Archie speak to her, could hear her reply with quiet sobs. His jacket was carefully placed under his pillow. He couldn't really tell anyone about this, even though Betty knew about it. If she decided to tell Archie, everyone would know. He was just about to get up, when he heard the all too familiar words.

   "He didn't hurt you, right?"

   Jughead stopped. He collapsed back on the bed, his fingers searching for the jacket. Archie hadn't asked him, he had asked  _her_. Carefully, he pulled the jacket closer as he once again got up. Why stay here when he got a family that trusted him?


End file.
